[Previous entry: "Back to makin' dirty movies..."] [Next entry: "Pipedreams Press Release"]

08/13/2005: "Yesterday's shoot at the loft"

We had a last minute rental for the loft yesterday and since we were shooting MY movies in the valley, we decided to leave Crickett at home to watch over the place...

I'll post more details on MY shoot later but until then Crickett's observations of the movie being shot here are absolutley unbelievable...

----------------------

Crickett's LiveJournal Entries for yesterday, August, 12th:

4 pm

The differences between pornos...

So, while the rest of the gang are off shooting other scenes, I'm here minding the homestead because there's also a shoot here. Most of the girls are marginally pretty, one is completely psycho but okay-looking, and one is simply not attractive AT ALL. (My opinion, folks. Your mileage may vary.)

From what I've overheard, they're shooting something involving aliens and a DP, and right now they've got a girl in one of the rolling cash boxes we have. (The rolling cash box is the type they use in banks and at Disney and shit...it's HUGE with a metal frame and clear side panels.) She's beating on it, screaming, "Help me, let me out of here" blah blah blah, and then she finally realizes that the top opens, so she emerges and comes through the fence. As soon as she does, the guy grabs her by the neck, and in the words of the director, "throw her on the bed and fuck the shit out of her".

WTF??????

Okay, so also, there is a giant ashtray outside. This must be why everyone who goes out to smoke decides that the best place for their cigarette butts is on the ground. Now, I don't know about how locations work, but I do know that any other place that a person can rent for other purposes tend to charge you extra if you have to clean up after them. Also, I feel bad for the P.A., who's a nice kid and has been running his ass off, because I mentioned the butts to him (as in, "Honey, do me a favour? When you see anyone going out to smoke, would you please let them know that there's a giant ashtray right by the door???) he said, "Jesus christ, these fuckin' people. I don't even smoke and I knew that there was a giant ashtray out there. I fuckin' put out a garbage can in plain sight, these fuckers just drop shit on the floor right next to it. I'm a P.A., not a fuckin' slave." I feel bad for him.

I got to watch some of the other kind of BTS shot as well. The kind that I don't shoot. The kind that feels like sort of a ripoff to me when I find it on a DVD. The Extended Interview BTS. Basically, one guy with the camera starts talking to the girl. How old are you? Do you like to get fucked in the ass? When did you lose your virginity? Then either he starts groping her or she starts groping herself and then she plays with herself long enough to get some good footage, moaning WAY over the top the whole time, and then she fakes an O, the cameraman says something inane, and then they cut. I fucking roll my eyes at this. Everybody can tell that she totally doesn't even get off on what she's doing, and perhaps the shooters feel like the men they're marketing this to (being the visual creatures that they are) can be duped by this and are pleased by it as well. And perhaps they are. I dunno. I tend to give the average guy more credit than that. But maybe I'm wrong. I dunno. I just know that when I see something that says, "BEHIND THE SCENES", I'd like it to not be a staged thing but real actual behind the scenes footage, be it people fucking without being asked to (i.e. "oh, I asked him to help me warm up for the anal scene" or like when we shot with Manuel and Venus when they just couldn't control themselves), people being goofy and telling jokes, or just a glimpse at what it takes to get the shot that makes the director happy. Not some stupid staged bullshit with a fake orgasm and over-the-top moaning by some butterface in cheap lingerie.

Was that too harsh? Pardon me. *shrug* Whatever. Onward.

After the crew got here today and I was introduced around, I let them know where I'd be and then went up to B.'s office to nap with the cats. And had all sorts of dreams that were pertaining to me watching over the shoot, but were also really really pervy. Weird.

Anyway, that's the observations from today so far. I think I may go and game for a while, if just to pass the time, because this is boring as shit. I wanna find out the name of this production so I can make sure to walk wiiide circles around it when it's released.

6:05 pm

Please stand by...the scene is experiencing technical difficulties...

Okay, so the fucking has started...stopped....started...stopped. Various ploys have been tried (nono, it's fine, let's just shoot softcore for a while...do we wanna go for the A?), and now the male talent has decided that he can't bang the butterface. So he's got a beer and is in the makeup room, the director has asked the PA to bring him a lime to go with his Corona. The stills guy is packing up his equipment, whistling the theme to the Alfred Hitchcock show, and the rest of the gang are fucking about, ogling the pool, etc. while they wait for everything to get straightened out. One of the other guys is now shooting the non-BTS BTS with one of the girls who's actually decent-looking, as she sits in K.'s reading chair. My only issue is that I know that the blanket I made for K. is draped on the arm of that chair, and if the skank gets any smeg on that blanket, I'mma hafta throw a beatdown.

More newsflashes as they occur.

EDIT: Thankfully, there's other male talent on set, and he's having no problem getting his dick sucked by Butterface. Actually, Butterface is the wrong word, because she's also bony with no ass, hair that looks like a bad wig, and weird pointy tits. But hey - different strokes for different folks, and I guess that this guy has his eye on the prize (the paycheque at the other end of this scene). The other guy is still in the makeup room with his beer, gradually becoming more dressed, and talking on his cell phone. Occasionally, one of the other girls will go in and climb on him, snuggling up to him, straddling him, whatever.

Menawhile, in the scene, we've gone from cocksucking straight to the A. Doggy. Guess he doesn't wanna look at her face either. Can't say as I blame him.

6:50 pm

So far, the quote of the day...

Director to the P.A. after he's just a second late in fetching water and lube: You're over there texting! What GUY does that??? You look like a bitch! Porn bitches sit over in the corner and text all the time. You look like a little porn bitch. Aurora Snow would do that. STOP THAT!!!

10:19 pm

Aaaaaand....
I've just realized that the male talent here has just done the whole fucking scene wearing socks.

Black ones.

Pulled all the way up to mid-calf.

*headdesk*

11:15 am

OMG...It's *not* a movie about aliens...
I heard talk about aliens during the shooting of the first scene, which was a DP (double-penetration). Well, apparently they were talking to the girl because she stood up in the middle of the goddamn DP shouting, "If that ASSHOLE would stop PUSHING ME and talking in my fucking EAR!!!" They began to ask, "who???" because they (the guys fucking her and the camera guy and the lighting guy) were quite curious. Well, she hemmed and hawed, just saying, "HE WANTS ME TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY. I'm NOT leaving the country. HE'S LEAVING THE COUNTRY!!!" and that he was flying around above her and stalking her, etc. etc. Finally, she says that it's the alien that's stalking her and he controls the words that come out of her mouth and her thoughts so that she can't say or think her OWN things. Also, he kept calling her on the cell phone in her head and saying that she can't do the DP.

::: blink blink :::


::: blink :::

*facepalm*